Autumn arrives, my mind and heart feel lighter. With every raindrop, it's like I'm receiving a kiss from heavens up above. I've been missing Nature so bad and like they say if If the mountain will not come to Mohammed, Mohammed will go to the mountain. Except in this case it's kinda the opposite? I haven't been going to the mountain so the mountain is coming to meet me, Nature is covering me all over, if that makes sense. And I am glad she does because I've been getting more and more empty without her. The brisk air allows me to figure out again where I end and everything else begins. Where my skin meets all the universe outside my body. I inhale and the freshness fills my lungs. I can breathe again.
I will soon take a month off to reorganize my life and head, to understand where is this path gonna take me and where do I want it to do so. I've lost track of my dreams and I'm not certain if I even have any left? At least any of the old ones. Dr. Google says that when sometimes somewhere along your life you get hurt, like tiny-papercut hurt (11/10 pain), and see your dreams go down the drain, you lock away your ability to dream in the furthest corner you can find inside you and it's very hard to find the way back there because you were so sad you forgot to leave a breadcrumb trail.
It is scary, thinking about moving back with my parents with no job and no life expectations but I am also excited about what I will discover. For a long time, it made me feel embarrassed and small when I was asked about my dreams. I had, I have... none. Everyone around me seems to have a dream, no matter how big or how small, and I'm watching from the outside all those sparkly eyes chasing something. Doesn't matter if they get it or not, just being able to dream about it, that's remarkable and warm, it's human. So I've been living in this limbo, a bit less human than before, but I know I still got something inside me somewhere, it's just a matter of finding the path to it.
It is scary, thinking about moving back with my parents with no job and no life expectations but I am also excited about what I will discover. For a long time, it made me feel embarrassed and small when I was asked about my dreams. I had, I have... none. Everyone around me seems to have a dream, no matter how big or how small, and I'm watching from the outside all those sparkly eyes chasing something. Doesn't matter if they get it or not, just being able to dream about it, that's remarkable and warm, it's human. So I've been living in this limbo, a bit less human than before, but I know I still got something inside me somewhere, it's just a matter of finding the path to it.
